PODCAST TRANSCRIPT | EPISODE 256: Mothers are the Transmitters of God’s Truth to the Next Generation, Part 8
LIFE TO THE FULL w/ Nancy Campbell
EPISODE 256: Mothers are the Transmitters of God’s Truth to the Next Generation, Part 8
More tips on etiquette in your home, or when in other people's homes. What do you do when people come into your home who have different standards than you do?
Announcer: Welcome to the podcast, Life to The Full, with Nancy Campbell, founder and publisher of Above Rubies.
Nancy Campbell: Hello, lovely ladies, and young people, and children! Oh, I hope I have some children listening today. And gentlemen, if there are any fathers or dads, or young men listening. We are still talking about etiquette in the home, or when we go to someone else’s home. I still have a few things to talk to you about this subject. There are lots of practical things.
I did mention last time that I would give you some Scriptures about what to do when people come into your home and maybe they have different standards than you do, or they do things differently. You wonder, “Well, how do I work this? What do I do about it?”
THE SAME LAW
I used to wonder about this same thing. When people would come into my home and they had a totally different standard, I wondered, “What should I do? Should I just let them do what they want?” Then I found these Scriptures. Isn’t it wonderful to find an answer to everything you need? God has an answer for everything. Let me give these to you.
Exodus 12:49-50: “One law shall be to him that is homeborn, and unto the stranger that sojourneth among you. Thus did all the children of Israel; as the LORD commanded Moses and Aaron, so did they.”
Again, over in the next book, Leviticus 24:22: “Ye shall have one manner of law, as well for the stranger, as for one of your own country: for I am the LORD your God.”
Then we go to Numbers 9:14: “. . . You shall have one ordinance, both for the stranger, and for him that was born in the land.”
Numbers 15:14-16: “And if a stranger sojourn among you, or whosoever be among you in your generations . . . as ye do, so shall he do. One ordinance shall be both for you of the congregation, and also for the stranger that sojourneth with you, an ordinance forever in your generations: as ye are, so shall the stranger be before the LORD. One law and one manner shall be for you, and for the stranger that sojourneth with you.”
That’s pretty straight, isn’t it? We really get the message. As you do, shall he do also. We also read, in Numbers 15:29: “Ye shall have one law for him that sinneth through ignorance, both for him that is born among the children of Israel, and for the stranger that sojourneth among thee.”
I have many more Scriptures. I will put them in the transcript, for those who like to read the transcript.
There you go, ladies. You’re wondering what to do. Well, here, this is God’s pattern. The standard, the pattern that we have for our home is what we keep to. We don’t change it for somebody else who comes into our home. They are to do what we do in our home. That’s what I have always taken.
If I have children coming in and they start jumping on my furniture) and I’ve even found them jumping on the beds!) Well, that’s not the standard in my home. If their parents don’t tell them, well, I’ll have to tell them. I’ll just tell them nicely, “Now, children, in our home, we don’t jump on the sofas, so I don’t want you to do that. Thank you.” But we keep to our standards.
Everybody has different standards in their home. I don’t like people to have chewing gum in my home. In fact, can you believe it? Just the other day, I scraped some more chewing gum off the floor. Oh, I just can’t believe it! I don’t like doing that. That’s one of the reasons I don’t like to have it in my home. And yet, it still happens, because we have so many people coming and going in our home. But I try to keep to the same law. Well, those are just some little practical things of course.
But there are bigger things and bigger standards that we have. We keep to them.
We love to have family devotions and gather everyone in our home every morning and evening to come together and have the reading of the Word and pray. If anyone is staying in our home, we expect them to be part of that.
Perhaps if they’re not Christians, well, we still expect them to be part of this. But we will adjust a little. Instead of everybody praying around the circle, or around the table, we will perhaps eliminate that, and Colin will just pray. But we don’t deviate from our pattern. So, there you go. I love those Scriptures.
Today I’d like to talk with you about a few more little random things, little other things of etiquette that may seem trivial. But they are all important. These are little things, dear mothers, that we must be continuing to pass on to our children. These very important traditions are passed on down the generations, because etiquette, as I have shared, is not just some idea. No, it’s for the blessing of our families. It’s for the blessing of other people. It’s thinking about others, rather than yourself.
PUSH THE CHAIR BACK AT THE END OF THE MEAL
What have I got written down here, for a start? When you are sitting at the table, and it comes to the end of the meal, it’s a good habit to get into, to teach your children to push the chair back to the table when they leave the table. Often, at the end of a meal, the chairs are all around. It doesn’t look very nice when they’re not all put back straight. That’s a good habit to get your children into. It’s a lovely habit, so when they go to someone else’s home, they will put the chair in. That’s very nice for the people who they are visiting. They will be impressed, and it will be so helpful to them.
By the way, mothers, have you been implementing some of these etiquette things that I have been sharing with you? I hope so, because we need to start implementing them, and little by little, making them habits in our children’s lives, because it prepares them when they go to someone else’s home. When they grow up, they will know how to conduct themselves properly.
WAIT TO EAT UNTIL THE HOSTESS BEGINS EATING
Also, when you sit down to a meal, you don’t just suddenly start eating. Of course, we’ll all say grace. Usually the father will give grace, give the blessing. It’s lovely if we all hold hands. But even at home, it is etiquette to wait. If you’re out, of course, you’re always going to wait for the host to begin eating. That’s when you know, “OK, we all start eating.”
They should get into the habit of that at home. Wait until the mother begins to eat and then we will all start eating. That is etiquette. Especially when you are at someone else’s home. Don’t just start eating and you’re still waiting for the hostess to begin. That’s quite rude.
NO KNEES UP ON THE CHAIR
Another little etiquette rule: no knees up at the table. Should I even have to say such a thing? And yet, I have had children come to my table, and they put their knees up at the table when they’re eating! I can’t believe it! Obviously, their mothers haven’t trained them.
Recently I saw a young person. Now, she didn’t put her knees up at the table while we were eating but when it came to family devotion, and we were talking and sharing, she put her chair back and put her knees up. Oh, my. That’s not what you do while you’re at the table. And here she was doing it in another person’s home. Obviously not trained in her own home. That’s another little thing we have to train our children with. You may have to do a little bit of training until they get out of that habit.
DON’T PUT YOUR FEET UP ON SOMEONE ELSE’S FURNITURE
Talking about the way we sit, don’t put your feet up on other people’s furniture. Now when you’re at home, oh yes, a home is a place to relax. Oh yes, maybe even put your feet up on the furniture at home. And of course, you yourself, or maybe your children, when they want to lie down, and they’re feeling they want to relax, they can lie on the sofa and put their feet up and take the whole sofa. That’s fine in your own home.
But you’d better teach your children that you don’t do that in someone else’s home. That is taking liberty in someone else’s home that you never do. You’re teaching your children, “Don’t ever put your feet up on someone else’s furniture. When you sit on their sofa, sit straight. Sit nicely. Don’t lounge around or put your feet out.” Oh, my. That is rude to do that in someone else’s place.
Teach your daughters how they are to sit correctly. When they sit on a chair, or sit on a sofa, they sit with their legs together. That’s an important one to teach them. Their legs together, facing the front, or facing sideways. Or they can have their ankles crossed. It’s better to have just the ankles crossed, but you can cross your knees. But for a daughter, never, never to cross her leg over the upper part of her leg like a man sits.
Sadly, there are so many young girls who sit like this today. And even mothers! I simply can’t believe it! I see mothers sitting with their legs crossed like a man sits. Help! What has happened? I think that’s only happened because of women wearing pants. It’s not something you can do nicely when you’re wearing a dress. But because women wear pants everywhere now, they just, OK, now they sit like men.
But please, watch that in your daughters, that they don’t get into that habit. We should not only act like females, and sit like females, but in every way show our femininity. We do it especially in the way we sit.
WHEN ASKED TO A PARTY, GREET THE HOSTESS OR HOST WHEN ARRIVING
If it’s a big party, and sometimes you’re asked to a barbeque, or a big party; a function, a birthday party, or whatever it is. It can even be a wedding. There are different things you do at different occasions. But one thing to remember, maybe I’ve told you this before. It’s worth telling you again. When you go to a function or a party, always make a note of addressing the host or hostess when you arrive, saying, “Hi! So great to be here. Thank you for inviting me.”
NEVER LEAVE A PARTY WITHOUT THANKING YOUR HOST AND HOSTESS
And also, never miss this one. Never leave a party or a function without finding the host or hostess and letting them know you are leaving. Thank them again. Say, “Thank you for inviting me. It’s been such a blessing to be here. We’re leaving now, but just wanted you to know it’s been a joy to be with you.” Always let your host and hostess know that you are leaving.
I have had so many functions in my home over the years, hundreds of parties and functions that I’ve organized. I am just amazed how very few, well hardly any, will ever come to me and say good-bye. People coming and never say hi. Then they leave. I look around. “Oh, wow! I wonder where that person is.” Oh, they’ve gone. They never even said good-bye.
That is the rudest thing you could ever do. To go to someone’s home, or even to their function, even to a wedding, and enjoy it, be there, and then just leave without any contact, without saying good-bye, without any thank you. This hardly happens today, because this generation hasn’t been taught. Teach your children these things. If they’re going out to a function, say, “Hey, don’t forget to say hi to the parents,” or whoever’s putting it on. “Don’t forget to find them and say good-bye and thank you before you leave.” Those are very important etiquette rules.
DON’T OUTDO YOUR WELCOME
If it’s just a little intimate time, or you’ve been asked as a family to come to another family, well, there you are. You’re talking together anyway. Once again, we have to learn to watch out. Don’t stay too long. Learn to know when it’s the right time to go. Don’t outdo your welcome.
BE EXUBERANTLY THANKFUL
And, of course, do thank the people for having you. As you’re going, say, “Well, time to leave now. It’s been great to be with you.” And thank them. Always be thankful. Thankfulness is a huge part of etiquette. We can never ever be too thankful. You can be over the top in being thankful. In fact, so much in the Bible, it talks about outdoing it, bountifully, and abundantly. Those words mean “over the top, more than enough, extravagantly, excessively.”
But I think of some of our grandchildren, specifically the Johnson grandchildren. As they were growing up, they were taught to be so thankful. If it was birthday time, or Christmas time and they were getting their presents. When they got a present, they just didn’t open it. No, they would go to the person who gave it to them and give them a great big hug and say, “Thank you SO-O-O-O-O MUCH!” They were always over the top in their expressing and giving thanks.
I remember once when a dear family came to stay with us. They were raising their young children and they went over to the Johnsons to spend some time with them. They got a hold of this, “Oh, THANK YOU SO-O-O-O-O-O MUCH!” They took it up, and they began, “Oh,” at the end of our meal. We’d just given them a meal and they would say, “Thank you SO-O-O-O-O-O MUCH!” And all the children would say it. I’ll never forget.
They had stayed with us for a few days. They were leaving, and of course we were outside. We always go out to say good-bye to our guests. We were waving them good-bye. They put their heads out the window and all the children put their heads out the windows of the car. They all said, “And THANK YOU SO-O-O-O-O-O MUCH!” It was over the top but so great! It’s just so wonderful!
We shouldn’t be miserly in our thanks. We should be over the top, excessive in our thanks. Yes, abundant in our thanks to God for everything! And to one another for everything. You can’t be too over the top in thanking your husband, even for the little things he does. Thanking your children when they do something, or even do their chores well. Don’t just take it for granted. Thank them! Yes, show your appreciation. Show your gratefulness.
CHANGE BABY’S DIAPER AWAY FROM PEOPLE’S NOSES
Oh, here’s another little thing. If you’re at someone else’s home, and you have a little baby, think about that when you’re going to the home. Maybe you would even want to take a little plastic bag with you so that if you have to change a dirty diaper, you don’t have to go the host and say, “Oh, have you got something I could put this in?” No, you’ve already brought a plastic bag.
When you change the diaper, you won’t just do it right in front of everybody’s noses. That’s not what you do. Think about other people. We don’t mind the smell of our own baby, but other people don’t always appreciate it, so just go a little way from the table or the living room where you’re all sitting together and change your baby away from others. Put the diaper in a plastic bag. You can even pop it in your bag to take it home, or you can ask them, “Where can I put this?” But you’ve already got it in a plastic bag and contained. So, think about those things. They’re just little thoughtful etiquette things.
AFTER STAYING IN A HOME, TAKE OFF THE SHEETS AND LEAVE THE ROOM TIDY
If you are staying in someone’s home, remember, of course, you’ll begin to have the same laws that they do. As they do, so will you do. At the end of the stay, take the sheets off the bed, because they’ll need to be washed. You can even ask the hostess, “Do you have clean sheets that I can put on the bed for you?” If she says, “No, I’ll see to it,” well, OK, that’s fine. But you can still take them off and put them there in the room or the laundry for them.
Leave the room tidy and swept. Don’t just leave things. I’m sure that when you arrived, everything was clean and lovely, so leave it as you found it. Leave a little thank-you card in the room. Or if you don’t happen to have a card, don’t forget to email, or write a note of thanks. Thank them later for the stay.
CALL OLDER PEOPLE MR. AND MRS.
Another thing, what do you call people? Now this is especially for young people. Young people, are you listening to all these etiquette ideas? They are so important for you, because they will help you so much, not only to make your own home such a more lovely place to live in, but for when you go out, and when you grow up, and you will know what is right to do.
I do believe that it is important to show respect to elders. I don’t believe that children and young people should call older people by their first name. I have had children come up to me and call me “Nancy.” I beg your pardon. I am more than their parents. I’m not only a grandparent, I am a great-grandparent.
It’s time that young children, and even young people, are taught how to respect older people. It’s not the children’s fault if they do that. It’s because they haven’t been taught. So, dear mothers, dear parents, teach your children to show respect to older people, and to call them “Mr. So-and-So,” or “Mrs. So-and-So.” That shows respect. Don’t let them call an older person, even another parent, by their first name. That is just too common.
But, of course, there are some people, maybe in your church fellowship, or people you know well, they’re not blood-family, they’re not flesh-and-blood family, but they’re so close to you. Then you can maybe encourage your children to call them “Auntie” and “Uncle.”
We did that a lot with our children as they were growing up in our church fellowship. That was back in New Zealand in their young days, and then even in Australia. In their young days, there were people who were so much part of our lives. We would encourage them, and talk with the people, of course, and establish calling them “Auntie So-and-So,” and “Uncle So-and-So” because it was too formal to call them Mr. and Mrs. They were so much a part of our life. But they were still showing respect by using the “Auntie” and “Uncle.”
I think of one couple, Val and Bill Stares. Val is the director of Above Rubies in Australia. She was with me the very first day I got the vision for Above Rubies, way back in New Zealand in 1977. She has been with me in the vision ever since and is still looking after Above Rubies in Australia today. This family was so much part of our lives, so the children grew up calling them Auntie Val and Uncle Bill. My children are in their 50’s today, and they still call them Auntie Val and Uncle Bill.
I remember, too, when we were in Australia, and we had the Newsboys living with us at that time because the News Boys began in Australia. They actually had begun, they started their band, but it was our son Wes, who brought them to the States. It first started out in our church in Australia.
Our sons decided that they were going to set up this Christian nightclub. The Gold Coast of Australia is a place of nightclubs. It was a very challenging place to pioneer a church and for young people to stay on fire for God. It was a very worldly place. There were nightclubs everywhere that were luring these young people in.
So, our boys decided to start a Christian nightclub called “Club Genesis.” They set up a coffee bar and they set up table tennis and pool. They brought in these bands to play Christian music, and who would give their testimonies. It was a great place for young people to come to that was wholesome.
One of the bands they brought in, the Newsboys, were the most popular. Plus, they were the keenest for God. They would get out there into the prayer meeting, praying up a storm for about an hour before they would even come and play to these young people. Then eventually my son Wes started doing their sound. Then he became their manager. Then he brought them to America. That’s history. They have become what they are today.
But of course, there came a time when they began to live with us at certain times. They were very close to us. They were very respectful, but it became a little formal to call us “Mr. and Mrs. Campbell.” Here they were, living in our home with our sons, so they compromised. They would call Colin “Mr. C.” So, it was more endearing, but it was still respectful. In fact, if you were to go back to some of the very, very early CDs of The Newsboys, you will see there, “Thanks to Mr. C." That’s what they would call him.
STAND UP WHEN AN OLDER PERSON COMES INTO THE ROOM
So, we just have to teach our children how to be respectful towards what they call older people. We are to show deference to older people. The Bible tells us that we should actually even stand up when they come into the room.
Leviticus 19:32: “Stand up before the gray-haired person. Honor the face of the aged, and revere your God.” I wonder if we teach that to our children.
If an older gray-haired person comes into the room, and they’re sitting down, they should immediately stand up. They should welcome them. They should go to them and say, “I’m Johnny Brown, and it’s so wonderful to meet you,” and shake their hand.
TEACH YOUR CHILDREN HOW TO SHAKE HANDS PROPERLY
That’s another thing we have to teach our children, isn’t it? How to greet people. So many children and young people don’t know how to greet people. We need to teach them, teach our children how to shake hands. Sometimes you need a bit of practice with that. Do some practice with them. Practice shaking hands so they know how to have a good handshake, a good, strong handshake.
Have you ever done some practice with your children about that? Do it. It’s most important, so they know. They don’t have this little, weak, oh, doesn’t it make you want to vomit when someone shakes your hand, and it’s so weak? Oh, you can’t even stand it! No, teach them how to have a good, strong handshake, and how to tell people, “Hello. My name is Susan Hermitage, and I am so glad to meet you!”
WHEN A FEMALE ENTERS THE ROOM, A MAN SHOULD STAND UNTIL HE FINDS A SEAT FOR HER
Oh, teach them how to greet people, and how to show respect. How to stand up if an older person comes into the room. And if a lady comes into the room, a boy should give up his seat for that lady. Even when a female enters the room, a man or a boy should remain standing until she is seated. They stand until they have found a seat for her. That is absolutely true etiquette.
And, of course, we all know that a man should give up his seat to a lady if there are no seats for her and open the door for her. All those little things we all know so well.
I think that our time has gone. Those were just a few more things I wanted to pass on to you. One little thing at the end; some people have shared to me; some mothers are so concerned about their daughters who are such tomboys. “How can I make them feminine?”
Well, dear mothers, I want to say, don’t be too worried. I was the biggest tomboy you could ever find. Being a tomboy doesn’t mean that your child is having a problem with their gender. This is the deception we are facing today. There are loads of girls who are naturally tomboys. They want to run with the boys and do all the fun boys’ things. They’re just children! It’s part of being a child.
I was mostly standing on my head and playing with the boys, but it wasn’t that I wanted to become a boy. I was enjoying my childhood, being a rough-and-tumble. It’s just a season. Their hormones haven’t even started yet. They will change as they get older, and they begin to bloom in their femininity and their womanhood.
That is the tragedy of what is happening in this hour, of these young children. Maybe they’re a bit of a tomboy, so, oh, their crazy parents, or the school, thinks, “Oh, goodness me! They’re meant to be a boy!” They’re immediately getting them into counseling and getting their bodies mutilated! It is absolute rubbish because their hormones haven’t even been aroused yet. What tragedy, what tragedy. They won’t ever be allowed. They’re finished. They will never enjoy who they are meant to be.
We stand against this wicked transgenderism. But just the naturalness of a daughter in her little childhood season wanting to be a bit of a tomboy, I wouldn’t worry too much at all because it’s just natural with many daughters. Of course, you will be watching and guarding. You will make sure that you dress them accordingly.
I mentioned the other day that many mothers are setting their children on a path for their life by the way they dress, and because that’s how you dress little children today. You go to the shop, and everything is jeans and stuff, so little children, from the time they’re toddlers, they’re dressed in pants and jeans. They’re growing up thinking that’s what you wear as a woman. Well, no, it’s not. But we better train them from little, OK? Just giving you those few things to think about.
“Dear Father, we thank You that You are a family God. You are interested in every detail of our families. Lord God, You want our families to be filled with joy and love and peace, all these little things that help this to happen. Help us to think about these little things of etiquette that can so change the atmosphere of our homes. Help us as mothers to be faithful in transmitting and passing on these good things to the next generation. We ask it in the precious Name of Jesus. Amen.”
Blessings from Nancy Campbell
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FURTHER SCRIPTURES ABOUT “THE SAME LAW”:
Read Exodus 20:10; 23:12; Leviticus 16:29; 17:10-16; 19:34; 20:2, 3; 24:16; Deuteronomy 5:14; 16:11, 14; 29:10-13; 31:12, 13; Joshua 8:33; 8:35; 2 Chronicles 30:25; and Isaiah 56:6, 7.